Dealing with Loss

Pain.

Ache.

How can this be God's plan?

There isn't anything anyone can say or do that reaches into the chest like grief can.

My school librarian asked me when I first started working after Ben's death "How are you still standing?" All I felt, and could manage to do at the time, was to weakly smile and say only because of God. I left wondering how much I believed that. As someone going through grief I would be encouraged one minute and crying out to God the next. Drowning and falling into a very black pit, and then acknowledging what God has done. It feels like a devastating roller coaster.

I have taught in sermon's about Jacob's grief at losing Joseph. He kept his youngest son Benjamin back because he was worried that something might happen, and he would lose him too. Judah knew grief (and understood wanting to save a son after losing a son), and when they needed to make the trip to Egypt for grain,he offered his own life to Jacob knowing the pain Jacob felt. Jacob had held on to this grief for over 20 years until he found that Joseph was alive. He wasn't rebuked by God, he didn't waste away, he lived with grief. It wasn't a sign of low faith that he was sad about Joseph's death, it was a sign that he loved his son.

Death of a loved one isn't about "getting over it" because everything feels wrong. Living with this wrongness would drive me crazy, much less "getting over it." I often think what my boy would be like if he was still alive. How tall would he be? How strong? Would his voice have changed? His laughter would it be louder or more reserved? He seemed to dance when he walked, what would his pace be like now? What would be his interests?

This world does not make sense. World view is that we live, we die, and that is it. What purpose does life have then? That is why the Greeks had the slogan "seize the day, for tomorrow you may die" because they at least understood the futility of a world view: Live for yourself right now because there is no hope. God's world view is different.

"But we do not want you to be uninformed, brothers, about those who are asleep,that you may not grieve as others do who have no hope" (1 Thessalonians 4:13 ESV). Eternal life with God, after this world, is what is promised. God wants none of us to perish, so there is a plan with this end game in mind. We have hope because we trust a Holy God that wants us to be with Him. Jacob made his son promise to bury him in the promise land because he trusted God's promise.

Loss is hard. Our lives have to change in a way we don't want it to change. Perspective changes. Truth does not change, but you are tested as to whether you believe what God has said or not. If you are fortunate you will have brothers and sisters in Christ praying with you. However, you might either be alone or feel alone, sometimes people get scared and lose contact. Those who were friends may have thoughts of God blessing those He loves, and it messes with their perspective on truth. They don't understand that God is all about the end game. With that in mind I can tell you this, God is there for you. God loves you. Realize that hanging on to the things of this world is the test you are now under. It is time to put your treasure in heavenly things. Spend time with God.

If you are that friend that wants to help a grieving friend, a great resource to start with is to watch Nancy Guthrie's What Grieving People Wish You Knew about Really Helps (and What Really Hurts) We had several people ask what they could do, and after I posted this link not many people watched it. Those that did, touched us because they were trying to do the things Guthrie suggested. Do not let your friends grieve alone. "Rejoice with those who rejoice, weep with those who weep" (Romans 12:15).