I have enjoyed every moment of my children's lives and we are rapidly coming to the point where my kids are grown up. I am sad and happy at the thought of them moving on with their lives. The best and most blessed part of my life (and I grew up with a great family) began when I was married and I started having children.
I want that for them too.
Spending time with my children has always been a priority. As a school teacher there have always been opportunities for me to coach or become an advisor for a club which takes up a lot of time after school. I did take a position like that once because we needed the money. That experience of working extra hours took a lot of time away for me to have with my family. When another teacher once told me that they put their family first, but then insisted on taking extra positions, I doubted the truth of their statement. Those positions require so much time there is not much left for family.
Some teachers have their kids in extracurricular sports and they coach, so they might see their children 30 minutes to an hour a day during the season. If their kids were first they would be spending time with them. They may set ground rules they expect their children to follow, but who is teaching their children, do they have worldly examples or Godly ones?
How Do You Spend Your Time? (Another End of the Matter Ministries blog post)
Sadly my blog post The Big Lie addresses a problem we have in Christian homes because parents are not spending time with their children. A responsibility that parents give away to coaches, teachers, and Sunday school teachers.
This is wasted time that can never come back. You might think that the time was spent on important matters, but if you have the time nothing is as important or rewarding as children.
My youngest died about four years ago, and our days were filled with laughter and togetherness. I wish there could have been more, but I don't regret any of the 12 years that we did have. My two oldest brighten my every day, and I know they will eventually move out, but I don't want to regret one moment of their lives in my home.
My kids make me feel humble and blessed in that they have followed Ephesians 6: 1-3, "Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. 'Honor your father and mother' (this is the first commandment with a promise), 'that it may go well with you and that you may live long in the land.'” and anyone that knows my children could be a witness that they try to do what is right. Teaching my kids in the Lord seems beyond my abilities because of all of my own faults. My kids are better people than I.
This Scripture doesn't leave a guy like me without help though, right after the instruction to children there is instruction in verse four to help me out as a dad, "Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord." Make sure your kids know this verse, it helps in raising them, if as a dad you can accept it.
I do wonder about verse three that says, "live long in the land" when my son did not. A well meaning friend once said, "Well, you didn't know how long he was supposed to live. Maybe he got more time than he was supposed to have." I decided to smile and nod and stop talking at that point. The truth is God looks at the end game in our lives, and we are not to be looking at this world as our time to get what we can.
Sometimes I have a really hard time understanding the end game versus life now, but God is about eternity and my faith is in His promises about eternity.
My two oldest kids reflect Christ. Losing their brother has been hard, but they look to God. I respect and admire these two.
Through struggles and tears of loss we have all grown older. In my most difficult times I always come back to God being concerned about the end game, and that He is in control. In the midst of my personal struggles I rejoice in that for the important things, for eternity end game things, God is taking care of my family. I have seen people that wonder, or know, about their kids' lost souls and that would be worse than going through what we have been through.
It is true Ezekiel 18: 20 that states, "The person who sins will die. A son will not be punished for his father’s sins, and a father will not be punished for his son’s sins. The righteousness of the righteous person will be his own, and the wickedness of the wicked person will be his own." and each individual will be responsible for their own sin. Ultimately the parent can do what they can, but it will be each person's individual decision.
The lesson of losing a child has taught me that it is dangerous to pretend everything is all right or ignore unrighteous behavior. Time is short. Discussing God with our children should be our number one priority. Without that conversation, without you sharing your faith of why you believe what you believe, how will your children come to know God?
The blessing of knowing my son is with God, and my young adults are following Christ is not something I could even begin to describe.
Psalm 127
Unless the Lord builds the house, those who build it labor in vain. Unless the Lord watches over the city, the watchman stays awake in vain. It is in vain that you rise up early and go late to rest, eating the bread of anxious toil; for he gives to his beloved sleep.
Behold, children are a heritage from the Lord, the fruit of the womb a reward. Like arrows in the hand of a warrior are the children[a] of one's youth. Blessed is the man who fills his quiver with them! He shall not be put to shame when he speaks with his enemies in the gate.
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