In her book helper by design, Elyse Fitzpatrick uses the analogy of dance when explaining her view of what a biblical marriage should look like. Her book is about God's perfect plan for women in marriage, but I want to focus on an explanation of the husband/wife roles compared to the dance.
Fitzpatrick says the idea of letting her husband lead did not sit well, and then she quoted Genesis 3:16 (ESV):
To the woman he said,
“I will surely multiply your pain in childbearing; in pain you shall bring forth children. Your desire shall be contrary to your husband, but he shall rule over you.”
The "desire" in some translations is "for your husband, and he shall rule over you." instead of being "contrary to." Either way, the implication is that women will desire to rule over the man, but the man is supposed to be the primary person in charge. This is where the conflict between husband and wife begins and the roles God gives man and woman. Note: this does not say men are in charge of women; the scriptures are of a woman deferring to her husband . . . not all men.
In dancing, the man leads, but both partners are needed for the dance to work. The leader must work with his partner's suggestions. This model gets to what scripture says about how a marriage should work. It is not a master/servant relationship, but a relationship between a husband and a wife that each has a role to fill in the marriage. If both try to lead in this dance, it ends in frustration, if the wife leads, it doesn't look right and does not reach what God intended, and if nobody leads, it becomes the dance known as "standing still."
Even when the married couple is dancing while the husband leads, both husband and wife make the dance meaningful. The dance can get exciting (and glorifies God) when both partners add creativity, emotion, and bounce to their steps.
Colossians 3:18-19 (ESV):
Wives, submit to your husbands, as is fitting in the Lord. Husbands, love your wives, and do not be harsh with them.
Many have misinterpreted this as the wife is the slave to the husband. What does this verse mean in context? Starting in verse 12, the verses that come right before this also discuss the behavior of a Christian:
Put on then, as God's chosen ones, holy and beloved, compassionate hearts, kindness, humility, meekness, and patience, bearing with one another and, if one has a complaint against another, forgiving each other; as the Lord has forgiven you, so you also must forgive.
Note these verses, these are all about putting others before you, and it continues:
And above all these put on love, which binds everything together in perfect harmony. And let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, to which indeed you were called in one body.
Note Christ came as a humble servant to all, and this continues:
And be thankful. Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly, teaching and admonishing one another in all wisdom, singing psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, with thankfulness in your hearts to God. And whatever you do, in word or deed, do everything in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him.
Christians are to be submitting to one another. Paul does mention specific relationships and that God does have a plan. The behavior of husband and wife is not one of a superior and a subordinate, but rather two people working together to glorify God through becoming more Christ-like.
I hope this has blessed you and given you something to think about.
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